Showing posts with label Negotiation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Negotiation. Show all posts

How 7 Simple Words Turn Resistance into Action (Part 1)

Written by   on   in , , ,   with No comments

The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence, former professional magician Tim David shares the foundational secret to driving performance: "Human connection is the key to influence."

Magic Words

  • "Yes" (#1)
    • Why it works: 
      • Fulfills the fundamental human craving for acceptance and validation. 
      • It builds quick psychological rapport and immediately de-escalates workplace tension.
    • Examples:
      • Salespeople who consciously prompt customers to say "yes" to basic, minor questions before proposing a deal increase sales success rates from 18% to 32%.
      • Leaders shouldn't start a conversation with a hard "No." Rephrase strict resource limits positively: "Yes, I completely see why you need those extra tools, let's look at how we can distribute our current budget to accommodate that."
  • "But" (#2)
    • Why it works:
      • Operates as a focus director. The human brain naturally minimizes whatever is stated before the word "but" (the But Eraser) and heavily emphasizes whatever follows it.
    • Example:
      • The Bad Manager: "You did a fantastic job managing that client, but you missed the deadline." (The employee only remembers the failure)."
      • The Magic Manager: Flip the structure to end on a positive path forward: "You missed the deadline, but you did a truly fantastic job managing that client."
  • "Because" (#3)
    • Why it works:
      • Satisfies the human brain's instinctual, urgent demand for logic and causality. Giving an explicit reason triggers an automatic psychological bypass that lowers compliance resistance.
    • Example:
      • Ellen Langer’s landmark Harvard University copy machine experiment. Simply adding a redundant reason. "May I use the copier because I have to make copies?" spiked line-cutting cooperation from 60% to a massive 93%.
  • "Their Name" (#4)
    • Why it works:
      • Dale Carnegie famously noted that a person's name is the sweetest sound in any language. It breaks through cognitive noise, captures immediate attention, and makes the individual feel uniquely valued.
    • Example:
      • Great leaders explicitly use a team member's name right at the beginning of an email subject line or when opening a high-stakes 1-on-1 performance review to sharply focus focus
  • "If" (#5)
    • Why it works:
      • Moves conversations away from rigid, defensive standoffs into a risk-free, hypothetical sandbox.
      • It removes the fear of failure to unlock imagination and collaborative problem-solving.
    • Example:
      • When a stressed employee shuts down and says, "I can't finish this project by Friday," a manager pivots by asking: "If you did know a way to make it happen, what resources would we need to change right now?"
  • "Help" (#6)
    • Why it works:
      • Expresses strategic vulnerability, which instantly elevates the other person's status. 
      • It turns passive, unengaged employees into active, protective allies.
    • Example:
      • Language that triggers identity is far more effective. David references research showing that asking people to "be a helper" rather than simply asking them to "help" leads to drastically higher rates of voluntary cooperation.
  • "Thanks" (#7)
    • Why it works:
      • Serves as a measurement of meaning and a powerful form of social reinforcement. 
      • Sincere appreciation rewards great behavior and fuels long-term motivation.
    • Example:
      • Case studies on call centers and corporate teams show that employees who receive a genuine, personalized "thanks" from their supervisors immediately increase their voluntary output and overall productivity on subsequent tasks.

Key Takeaways for Leaders

  • Flip Your Feedback Loop: Avoid ruining praise with a poorly timed "but." Structure your management feedback so critiques come first, and positive actions follow the word "but."
  • Never Drop a "Why-Less" Mandate: Stop assuming your team inherently knows why a goal matters. Always use the word "because" to supply a clear reason, ensuring rapid team buy-in.
  • Pivoting Deadlocks with Hypothesized Thinking: When projects hit a wall or team members express doubt, deploy "if" questions to push past mental barriers and brainstorm solutions.
  • Build Ownership Through Vulnerability: Actively ask your staff for "help" to instantly validate their unique skills and generate authentic team accountability.

References

  • David, T. (2014). Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence. Rodale Books.
  • Langer, E., Blank, A., & Chanowitz, B. (1978). The mindlessness of ostensibly thoughtful action: The role of "placebic" information in interpersonal interaction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 36(6), 635–642.
Share:

How Leaders Master the Subconscious Art of Persuasion

Written by   on   in , , ,   with No comments


  • Effective leadership hinges entirely on communication. In their tactical guide, Exactly What to Say: For Real Estate Agents, authors Phil M. Jones, Chris Smith, and Jimmy Mackin provide a foundational framework for high-stakes conversations. 
  • While written for realtors, this book functions as a universal communication field guide.
  • The Exactly What to Say: For Real Estate Agents book expands on the original book Exactly What yo Say, therefore this post will focus on the add-ons.

The Magic Phrases (1..22)

The Magic Phrases (23..31)

  • "Interesting" (#23)
    • Why it works.
      • Neutralizes emotionally charged objections or market uncertainties without agreeing or disagreeing.
    • Example.
      • "Interesting. Why... what made you think about asking that specific question?".
  • What questions do you have for me? (#24)
    • Why it works.
      • A major upgrade over asking "Do you have any questions?", which usually ends conversations awkwardly.
    • Example.
      • "We have covered a lot of ground today. What questions do you have for me regarding the reorganization?".
  • What's the best number/address...? (#25)
    • Why it works.
      • Assumes permission and moves directly to the logistics of gathering contact information.
    • Example.
      • "What's the best email address to send the updated contract framework to?".
  • Can I have your permission to...? (#26)
    • Why it works.
      • Honors the listener's authority, which makes them highly receptive to hearing tough feedback or advice.
    • Example.
      • "Can I have your permission to give you some candid feedback on how that client meeting went?".
  • Help me understand... (#27)
    • Why it works.
      • Defuses tension by replacing judgment with curiosity, preventing the other party from pulling away.
    • Example.
      • "Help me understand what bottlenecks are keeping your team from hitting the sprint targets".
  • As I understand it... (#28)
    • Why it works.
      • Confirms alignment by reflecting their words back to them, making them feel heard before you pivot.
    • Example.
      • "As I understand it, your main concern isn't the budget itself, but our team's capacity to deliver on time".
  • Would it be helpful if...? (#29)
    • Why it works.
      • Frames your solution as a supportive asset rather than an unwelcome directive or mandate.
    • Example.
      • "Would it be helpful if I assigned a senior analyst to assist with your final quarterly review?".
  • Thank you - As a prompt for reciprocity (#30)
    • Why it works.
      • True gratitude creates a momentary feeling of indebtedness, making it the perfect time to request a favor.
    • Example.
      • "Thank you for the praise. Since you value the work, could you introduce me to the VP of Operations?".
  • Otherwise (#31)
    • Why it works.
      • Clearly maps out the negative alternative, subtly encouraging them to choose your preferred path.
    • Example.
      • "We need to secure this vendor contract today; otherwise, the entire implementation will be pushed to Q3".

Key Takeaways for Leaders

  • Words are Precision Tools: Small adjustments to phrasing can completely shift a team's attitude from pushback to active problem-solving.
  • Control through Inquiry: True leadership communication relies on asking targeted questions to guide alignment.
  • Preparation Over Improvisation: High-stakes conversations require pre-mapped scripts. Thinking on your feet during a crisis invites unnecessary risk.

References

  1. Jones, P. M., Smith, C., & Mackin, J. (2019). Exactly What to Say: For Real Estate Agents. Boxertots.
  2. Business & Leadership Communications Analysis via Phil M. Jones Case Study Insights.
  3. Subconscious Persuasion Dynamics in Professional Environments: Shortform Book Analysis.
     
Share:

23 Subconscious Triggers for High-Impact Leadership (Part 4)

Written by   on   in , , ,   with No comments
  • Most leadership failures are actually conversational design failures. Managers frequently mistake employee hesitation for insubordination, when the true culprit is the linguistic friction of how a directive was framed. 
  • This post provides a complete blueprint of Phil M. Jones’s Exactly What to Say, specifically optimized for management contexts. 
  • Understanding how to communicate using "Magic Words"—pre-programmed linguistic triggers that speak straight to the subconscious brain—is the ultimate shortcut to bypassing critical friction, accelerating team buy-in, and turning conversational "maybes" into decisive actions.

The Magic Sequences 19 - 23

  • "If I can, will you?" (#19)
    • Why it works:
      • A classic conditional close that isolates barriers and extracts commitment before resources are spent.
    • Example:
      • "If I can match that price for you, then would you be happy to place the order with me today?"
  • "Enough" (#20)
    • Why it works:
      • Influences metrics of volume or frequency by steering the listener toward a higher default value or path of least resistance.
    • Example:
      • "Would every four weeks be enough for you?"
  • "Just one more thing" (#21)
    • Why it works:
      • Creates a "Columbo moment" when the other party's guard is completely down, allowing you to float an easier downsell.
    • Example:
      • "Oh, just one more thing... Where did you buy the book?"
  • "A favor" (#22)
    • Why it works:
      • Capitalizes on structural indebtedness; asking for a favor secures an initial "yes" before details are even unveiled.
    • Example:
      • "You couldn't do me a small favor, could you?"
  • "Just out of curiosity" (#23)
    • Why it works:
      • Softens invasive, direct questions into gentle queries, using tactical silence to uncover real operational bottlenecks.
    • Example:
      • "Just out of curiosity, what is it specifically you need some time to think about"

Key Takeaways for Leaders

  • Speak to the Subconscious First: Teams respond reflexively to the emotional framing and tone of a conversation long before their rational mind computes the logical merits of a plan.
  • Control Is Maintained via Inquiry: Professional leaders drive conversations through precise, intentional questioning, rather than entering into counterarguments that create losers.
  • Practice in Low-Stakes Routines: These phrases are tools; repetition moves them from academic theory into your natural, day-to-day managerial language.

References

Share:

23 Subconscious Triggers for High-Impact Leadership (Part 3)

Written by   on   in , , ,   with No comments
  • Most leadership failures are actually conversational design failures. Managers frequently mistake employee hesitation for insubordination, when the true culprit is the linguistic friction of how a directive was framed. 
  • This post provides a complete blueprint of Phil M. Jones’s Exactly What to Say, specifically optimized for management contexts. 
  • Understanding how to communicate using "Magic Words"—pre-programmed linguistic triggers that speak straight to the subconscious brain—is the ultimate shortcut to bypassing critical friction, accelerating team buy-in, and turning conversational "maybes" into decisive actions.

The Magic Sequences 13 - 18

  • "Don’t Worry" (13)
    • Why it works:
      • Relieves intense panic or friction when spoken calmly by a leader who demonstrates total posture and control
    • Example:
      • "Don't worry, I know you don't know what to do right now, but that's what I'm here for"
  • "Most People" (14)
    • Why it works:
      • Provides psychological safety in numbers, as individuals naturally take confidence from what others have done safely before them.
    • Example:
      • "Provides psychological safety in numbers, as individuals naturally take confidence from what others have done safely before them"
  • "The Good News" (15)
    • Why it works:
      • Uses positive labeling to effortlessly shift an adversarial or pessimistic narrative forward with forward-looking optimism.
    • Example:
      • "The good news is that we have comprehensive training you can complete at your own pace to give you all the skills you need"
  • "What happens next?" (16)
    • Why it works:
      • Eliminates follow-up limbo by cleanly mapping the immediate physical steps without asking permission.
    • Example:
      • "What happens next is that we're going to take a few moments, complete some of your personal details, and get things set up for you"
  • "What makes you say that?" (17)
    • Why it works:
      • Shifts control back to you during an objection, compelling the speaker to explain their underlying logic.
    • Example:
      • "Customer says, 'Really, I don't have all the money right now.' You say, 'What makes you say that?'"
  • "Before you make your mind up" (18)
    • Why it works:
      • Stops a moving pendulum of "no" and coaxes the listener into a softer, exploratory position of "maybe".
    • Example:
      • "Before you make your mind up, why don't we just run through the details one more time so you can know what it is that you're saying no to"

Key Takeaways for Leaders

  • Speak to the Subconscious First: Teams respond reflexively to the emotional framing and tone of a conversation long before their rational mind computes the logical merits of a plan.
  • Control Is Maintained via Inquiry: Professional leaders drive conversations through precise, intentional questioning, rather than entering into counterarguments that create losers.
  • Practice in Low-Stakes Routines: These phrases are tools; repetition moves them from academic theory into your natural, day-to-day managerial language.

References

Share:

23 Subconscious Triggers for High-Impact Leadership (Part 2)

Written by   on   in , , ,   with No comments


  • Most leadership failures are actually conversational design failures. Managers frequently mistake employee hesitation for insubordination, when the true culprit is the linguistic friction of how a directive was framed. 
  • This post provides a complete blueprint of Phil M. Jones’s Exactly What to Say, specifically optimized for management contexts. 
  • Understanding how to communicate using "Magic Words"—pre-programmed linguistic triggers that speak straight to the subconscious brain—is the ultimate shortcut to bypassing critical friction, accelerating team buy-in, and turning conversational "maybes" into decisive actions.

The Magic Sequences 7 - 12

  • "I’m guessing you haven’t gotten around to…" (#7)
    • Why it works:
      • Disarms the listener by preemptively stating their excuse, letting them save face while pushing them toward a positive scenario.
    • Example:
      • "I'm guessing you haven't got around to looking over the documents fully yet"
  • "Simple Swaps" (#8)
    • Why it works:
      • Trades open, unguided queries for statements that assume an outcome or bypass permission-based resistance.
    • Example:
      • "What's the best number to contact you at?"
  • "You have three options" (#9)
    • Why it works:
      • Narrows choice paralysis. 
      • Placing your preferred target at the end lets you build its relative value.
    • Example:
      • "As I see it, you have three options. First, you could look for another job... Secondly, you could do absolutely nothing... Or third, you could give this a try"
  • "Two types of people" (#10)
    • Why it works:
      • Instantly forces the listener to categorize themselves into polarized, stacked choices.
    • Example:
      • "There are two types of people in this world: those who resist change in favor of nostalgia, and those who move with the times and create a better future"
  • "I bet you're a bit like me" (#11)
    • Why it works:
      • Establishes collective agreement and immediate structural alignment, building an anchor point for future alignment.
    • Example:
      • "I bet you're a bit like me. You enjoy working hard now knowing that it will pay dividends in the future"
  • "If…then" (#12)
    • Why it works:
      • Borrows deeply ingrained childhood neuropathways to set up virtually unquestionable, guaranteed outcomes.
    • Example:
      • "If you put this into your stores, then I'm certain your customers will like it."

Key Takeaways for Leaders

  • Speak to the Subconscious First: Teams respond reflexively to the emotional framing and tone of a conversation long before their rational mind computes the logical merits of a plan.
  • Control Is Maintained via Inquiry: Professional leaders drive conversations through precise, intentional questioning, rather than entering into counterarguments that create losers.
  • Practice in Low-Stakes Routines: These phrases are tools; repetition moves them from academic theory into your natural, day-to-day managerial language.

References

Share:

23 Subconscious Triggers for High-Impact Leadership (Part 1)

Written by   on   in , , ,   with No comments

  • Most leadership failures are actually conversational design failures. Managers frequently mistake employee hesitation for insubordination, when the true culprit is the linguistic friction of how a directive was framed. 
  • This post provides a complete blueprint of Phil M. Jones’s Exactly What to Say, specifically optimized for management contexts. 
  • Understanding how to communicate using "Magic Words"—pre-programmed linguistic triggers that speak straight to the subconscious brain—is the ultimate shortcut to bypassing critical friction, accelerating team buy-in, and turning conversational "maybes" into decisive actions.

The Magic Sequences 1 - 6

  • "I’m not sure if it’s for you, but..." (#1)
    • Why it works: 
      • Bypasses the listener's internal defense systems by explicitly eliminating pressure.
      • This soft approach naturally spikes intrigue and encourages to lean forward.
    • Example: 
      • "I'm not sure if it's for you, but this project milestone optimization framework is open for adoption if you want to pilot it."
  • "How open-minded are you to/for...?" (#2)
    • Why it works: 
      • Shifts conversational odds heavily in your favor because individuals structurally pride themselves on being flexible and receptive rather than close-minded 
    • Example: 
      • ""How open-minded are you to testing an alternative shift rotation format this quarter?"
  • "What do you know about...?" (#3)
    • Why it works:
      • Softly challenges entrenched opinions or rigid assumptions by moving the speaker from absolute certainty to constructive doubt without making them lose face.
    • Example:
      • "What do you know about everything that has changed regarding our client onboarding pipeline constraints since last week?"
  • "How would you feel if...?" (#4)
    • Why it works:
      • Targets internal emotional drivers first. 
      • It forces the brain to mentally time-travel and visually experience a conditional future scenario.
    • Example:
      • "How would you feel if this process iteration led directly to your department's end-of-year promotion track?"
  • "Just imagine" (#5)
    • Why it works:
      • Bypasses analytic barriers by acting as a modern "once upon a time" narrative trigger for adults, opening up their mind's internal image viewer.
    • Example:
      • "Just imagine the look on the executive board's faces when we deliver these performance metrics ahead of the deadline"
  • "When would be a good time?" (#6)
    • Why it works:
      • Establishes an absolute assumptive frame that removes "no" as an option, fast-forwarding directly past the standard "I don't have time" objection.
    • Example:
      • "When would be a good time for us to sit down and review these cross-functional team parameters fully?"

Key Takeaways for Leaders

  • Speak to the Subconscious First: Teams respond reflexively to the emotional framing and tone of a conversation long before their rational mind computes the logical merits of a plan.
  • Control Is Maintained via Inquiry: Professional leaders drive conversations through precise, intentional questioning, rather than entering into counterarguments that create losers.
  • Practice in Low-Stakes Routines: These phrases are tools; repetition moves them from academic theory into your natural, day-to-day managerial language.

References

Share:

How Leaders Use "The Narrative Gym" to Command Attention

Written by   on   in , , , , ,   with No comments

  • In The Narrative Gym, Dr. Randy Olson introduces a scientific, muscle-building approach to corporate messaging. 
  • By replacing boring "data dumps" with a lean, three-word storytelling engine, leaders can transform dry company updates into compelling directives that align teams, secure executive buy-in, and drive immediate action.

The ABT Framework

  • AND (Agreement):
    • Establishes context, baseline facts, and common ground.
  • BUT (Contradiction): 
    • Introduces the friction, pivot point, or central operational obstacle.
  • THEREFORE (Consequence): 
    • Outlines the resolution, accountability, and next action steps..

  • Instead of stating facts sequentially, this framework establishes a baseline of agreement, injects an unavoidable conflict, and logically presents the path forward.
  • It forces leaders to distill complex business hurdles into a single, cohesive problem-and-solution dynamic.

Six Examples

  • Change Management:
    • "Our new ERP system will centralize our supply chain data AND automate our weekly inventory reporting, BUT early adoption data shows that regional managers are defaulting to legacy Excel sheets out of habit, THEREFORE we are launching a mandatory, hands-on training sprint this Thursday."
  • Crisis Communication:
    • "Our primary server experienced an unexpected midday outage AND our IT team successfully restored full functionality within forty-five minutes, BUT the downtime disrupted several high-priority client transactions, THEREFORE we are issuing formal service credits along with direct executive apologies to all affected accounts today."
  • Executive Buy-In & Budgeting:
    • "Our primary competitors are aggressively adopting predictive AI tools AND market data reveals a clear shift toward automated logistics, BUT our current infrastructure cannot support these models without an enterprise cloud upgrade, THEREFORE I am requesting authorization to fund a comprehensive cloud readiness audit this quarter."
  • Product Launch:
    • "We have engineered a highly innovative software feature AND our beta testers absolutely love the streamlined user interface, BUT our current digital marketing strategy is failing to reach target enterprise buyers, THEREFORE we are shifting our launch budget toward direct Account-Based Marketing (ABM) outreach."
  • Team Restructuring:
    • "Our engineering team is exceptionally skilled AND has successfully delivered three major product iterations ahead of schedule this year, BUT the recent corporate merger has created duplicate validation workflows that slow down final deployment, THEREFORE we are restructuring into cross-functional squads to eliminate cross-department dependencies."
  • Talent Retention:
    • "Our quarterly internal survey shows that employee satisfaction remains exceptionally high AND team members feel supported by local management, BUT a lack of clear vertical mobility is causing our senior engineers to accept outside recruiting offers, THEREFORE we are building structured career-path mapping into our annual review process next month."

Key Takeaways for Managers

  • Perform an "And" Audit: Scan your upcoming slide decks and emails. If you find sections bogged down by consecutive "and, and, and" phrases, you are data-dumping.
  • Lean Into Tension: Do not hide the problem. A leader's job is to define the obstacle explicitly using a clear "but" statement to create urgency.
  • Never Leave Out the "Therefore": A problem without a consequence creates anxiety. Always anchor your narrative with a clear, action-oriented solution that points the team forward.

References

Share:

10 Questions to Negotiate Anything

Written by   on   in , , ,   with No comments

Look in the mirror, before you enter into any negotiation, take thirty minutes to first ask yourself five good questions. Look out the window and see the other party clearly. Ask questions and then listen empathetically. Try and discern their needs, concerns, and feelings


Look in the Mirror

1. What problem do I need to solve?

  • Take a piece of paper and write down the exact problem you want to solve.
    • Define something concrete, not abstract.
  • Take what is written and summarize it in one sentence.
    • Have a clear, concise aim for the negotiation.
  • Change anything which is backward-looking and negative to forward-looking and positive.
    • Focus on what you want in the future rather than being trapped in the past.
    • e.g.: "Our junior employee satisfaction rating is low" should become "We need to achieve high junior employee satisfaction levels".
  • Take your sentence and change it into a question by adding how, what, who, or when. 
    • e.g. "What can we do to achieve high junior employee satisfaction levels?"
  • Revise your question to broaden it – to reflect the true bigger picture issues at play here.
    • e.g. "What can we do to make this a great place to work, and where achievers will want to come and stay?"

2. What do I need to get out of this?

  • Take a piece of paper – and write down your initial answer to the question "What do I need?"  
    • Take five minutes to write down everything that comes to mind without censorship.
    • Remind yourself that needs are the reasons why you make demands, not the demands themselves.
  • Divide your list into two buckets or categories – tangibles and intangibles. 
    • Make a fresh list of your tangible needs and your intangible needs.
  • Now take your tangibles list – and for each item ask "What makes this important?" and "What does this represent for me?" 
    • Write down your answers to those questions because this is getting to the why.
    • You're heading towards understanding your deepest needs and values.
    • You should also ponder the question: "How else might I fulfill my need for  __?"
  • Then turn to your intangibles list – and for each item ask: 
    • "What would that look like?" Write down your answers to that follow-up question. 
    • Then ask: "How else might I __?"
  • By the way, if you get stuck and can't come up with any specific needs, think about whatever you find intolerable about your situation and flip it around. 
    • Write down the opposite and go from there.

3. What do I feel about this?

  • It will help you understand your own priorities before the negotiation begins.
  • You'll craft better solutions – by harnessing your feelings rather than ignoring them.
    • "What would help eliminate or at least reduce my feeling of X in this negotiation?" 
    • Working through that question will frequently lead to some concrete ideas for how to move forward. 
  • You minimize the opportunity for your underlying feelings to sideline your negotiation.
    • Go through the list and see if you agree you're feeling one of these emotions or a mix of a few different ones. You can also go back to your needs (tangible or intangible) to try and put your finger on what you're feeling. 
    • The two most common hidden emotions tend to be guilt and fear. These are the two emotions that most often blow up negotiations, so take care to identify whether guilt or fear is present.

4. How have I handled this (successfully) before?

  • You'll be able to place today's negotiations into context.
    • A powerful positive anchor is great because it will launch you into the future in the best way possible.
  • Remembering your prior successes can generate some very worthwhile data.
    • Recall good strategies that were delivered in the past and can work again.
  • Having a positive frame of reference will prime you to think creatively.

5. What's the first step?

  • Start designing your ideal future.
  • Determine the first step you want the other party to take to move them in the right direction.
  • Focusing on the first step forward will build momentum.
    • Momentum can then motivate everyone to take many subsequent steps forward.
    • Taking the first step will help people to focus and organize their thoughts so they can keep moving forward on their own power.
  • Many negotiations are cumulative.
    • If you can get people to successfully take the first step, they will then agree to take the next four or five as well

Look out of the Window

6. Tell me ......?

  • Tell me ..." allows you to learn exactly how the other party defines the problem at hand. It builds a relationship with the other party, and it signals you genuinely want to understand the pressures they are under and respond. It empowers you to listen to what's not being said. e.g.:
    • "Tell me about yourself" is the perfect icebreaker.
    • "Tell me about what brought you here today."
    • "Tell me about the issues and challenges you face."
    • "Tell me more."
    • "Tell me about your day."
    • "Tell me about your goals."
    • "Tell me have you made an offer yet?"
    • "Tell me about your hopes for this meeting."
    • "Tell me about the person you're looking for to fill this job opening."
    • "Tell me your thoughts on the settlement offer on the table."
    • "Tell me your perspective on what's been happening lately."
    • "Tell me what's been happening from your perspective."
  • Once you ask a "Tell me..." question, give the other person enough time to answer. Be comfortable with the silence while they think, and then summarize back to them what they say. This ensures you've heard correctly, and it's an invitation to give more feedback and details

7. What do you need?

  • Look the other person in the eye and ask: "What do you need?" If you cut to the chase like this, you'll be amazed at how frequently a collaborative and productive compromise can be reached, even in the most bitter negotiations. e.g:
    • "What do you need from any vendor who supplies your stores?"
    • "What do you need to get out of this deal in order to make all your stakeholders happy?"
    • "When you're considering how to prioritize your budget, what do you need the most?"
    • "What do you need first and foremost when you work with homeowners?"
    • "What do you need to get this job done?"
    • "What do you need here? I felt that earlier in our discussions, you were leaning towards ..."
    • "What do you need? 
    • "How about if we... "
  • Be comfortable with and enjoy the silence while they are thinking.
  • When they reply, you can then ask for an open-ended follow-up question to get more details.
    • "Thanks. Tell me more about..." or even just a direct "That's interesting. Tell me more."
  • The other party is either going to come back with some tangibles or intangible issues:
    • If they bring up intangibles, your follow-up question could be: 
      • "OK, what would that look like?" or 
      • "Great. Tell me, what would a workable solution look like and feel like for you?"
      • That will encourage the other party to bring their needs to live and to add some specific details. You can then work with them to find a mutual path forward.
    • If they bring up tangible items, you can then follow up with: 
      • "Excellent. Now help me understand. What makes this so important to you?" 
      • You signal that you're open to engaging and figuring out the best way forward.
  • Follow up with more open questions. 
    • Summarize what you're hearing and repeat that back to them to encourage more details to be forthcoming as well.
    • “What would that look like?" great follow-up.

8. What are your concerns?

  • Asking the other party in a negotiation about their concerns is better than asking about their fears.
  • Concerns are addressable, fears are emotional and hard to pin down. 
    • By signaling that you want to work systematically through their concerns, you maximize the chances they will go ahead.
  • As you ask about their concerns, be comfortable if there is an extended period of silence. That's perfectly fine, as they will need some time to think. 
  • When they answer, the best approach is usually to summarize back to what they just said, and add "Can you tell me more about that?"
  • Watch the non-verbal clues they give off as they speak. Listen for what is not being said. 
    • Some people will say "yes" while shaking their heads no at the same time. 
      • That should be a clue you need to dig a bit deeper.
    • A shrug of the shoulders may indicate there are other unexpressed concerns that they are afraid or embarrassed to admit.
      • You might need to do some probing to get to the heart of the matter.

9. Have you handled this before?


10 What's the first step?


References

Share: