Look in the mirror, before you enter into any negotiation, take thirty minutes to first ask yourself five good questions. Look out the window and see the other party clearly. Ask questions and then listen empathetically. Try and discern their needs, concerns, and feelings
Look in the Mirror
1. What problem do I need to solve?
- Take a piece of paper and write down the exact problem you want to solve.
- Define something concrete, not abstract.
- Take what is written and summarize it in one sentence.
- Have a clear, concise aim for the negotiation.
- Change anything which is backward-looking and negative to forward-looking and positive.
- Focus on what you want in the future rather than being trapped in the past.
- e.g.: "Our junior employee satisfaction rating is low" should become "We need to achieve high junior employee satisfaction levels".
- Take your sentence and change it into a question by adding how, what, who, or when.
- e.g. "What can we do to achieve high junior employee satisfaction levels?"
- Revise your question to broaden it – to reflect the true bigger picture issues at play here.
- e.g. "What can we do to make this a great place to work, and where achievers will want to come and stay?"
2. What do I need to get out of this?
- Take a piece of paper – and write down your initial answer to the question "What do I need?"
- Take five minutes to write down everything that comes to mind without censorship.
- Remind yourself that needs are the reasons why you make demands, not the demands themselves.
- Divide your list into two buckets or categories – tangibles and intangibles.
- Make a fresh list of your tangible needs and your intangible needs.
- Now take your tangibles list – and for each item ask "What makes this important?" and "What does this represent for me?"
- Write down your answers to those questions because this is getting to the why.
- You're heading towards understanding your deepest needs and values.
- You should also ponder the question: "How else might I fulfill my need for __?"
- Then turn to your intangibles list – and for each item ask:
- "What would that look like?" Write down your answers to that follow-up question.
- Then ask: "How else might I __?"
- By the way, if you get stuck and can't come up with any specific needs, think about whatever you find intolerable about your situation and flip it around.
- Write down the opposite and go from there.
3. What do I feel about this?
- It will help you understand your own priorities before the negotiation begins.
- You'll craft better solutions – by harnessing your feelings rather than ignoring them.
- "What would help eliminate or at least reduce my feeling of X in this negotiation?"
- Working through that question will frequently lead to some concrete ideas for how to move forward.
- You minimize the opportunity for your underlying feelings to sideline your negotiation.
- Go through the list and see if you agree you're feeling one of these emotions or a mix of a few different ones. You can also go back to your needs (tangible or intangible) to try and put your finger on what you're feeling.
- The two most common hidden emotions tend to be guilt and fear. These are the two emotions that most often blow up negotiations, so take care to identify whether guilt or fear is present.
4. How have I handled this (successfully) before?
- You'll be able to place today's negotiations into context.
- A powerful positive anchor is great because it will launch you into the future in the best way possible.
- Remembering your prior successes can generate some very worthwhile data.
- Recall good strategies that were delivered in the past and can work again.
- Having a positive frame of reference will prime you to think creatively.
5. What's the first step?
- Start designing your ideal future.
- Determine the first step you want the other party to take to move them in the right direction.
- Focusing on the first step forward will build momentum.
- Momentum can then motivate everyone to take many subsequent steps forward.
- Taking the first step will help people to focus and organize their thoughts so they can keep moving forward on their own power.
- Many negotiations are cumulative.
- If you can get people to successfully take the first step, they will then agree to take the next four or five as well
Look out of the Window
6. Tell me ......?
- Tell me ..." allows you to learn exactly how the other party defines the problem at hand. It builds a relationship with the other party, and it signals you genuinely want to understand the pressures they are under and respond. It empowers you to listen to what's not being said. e.g.:
- "Tell me about yourself" is the perfect icebreaker.
- "Tell me about what brought you here today."
- "Tell me about the issues and challenges you face."
- "Tell me more."
- "Tell me about your day."
- "Tell me about your goals."
- "Tell me have you made an offer yet?"
- "Tell me about your hopes for this meeting."
- "Tell me about the person you're looking for to fill this job opening."
- "Tell me your thoughts on the settlement offer on the table."
- "Tell me your perspective on what's been happening lately."
- "Tell me what's been happening from your perspective."
- Once you ask a "Tell me..." question, give the other person enough time to answer. Be comfortable with the silence while they think, and then summarize back to them what they say. This ensures you've heard correctly, and it's an invitation to give more feedback and details
7. What do you need?
- Look the other person in the eye and ask: "What do you need?" If you cut to the chase like this, you'll be amazed at how frequently a collaborative and productive compromise can be reached, even in the most bitter negotiations. e.g:
- "What do you need from any vendor who supplies your stores?"
- "What do you need to get out of this deal in order to make all your stakeholders happy?"
- "When you're considering how to prioritize your budget, what do you need the most?"
- "What do you need first and foremost when you work with homeowners?"
- "What do you need to get this job done?"
- "What do you need here? I felt that earlier in our discussions, you were leaning towards ..."
- "What do you need?
- "How about if we... "
- Be comfortable with and enjoy the silence while they are thinking.
- When they reply, you can then ask for an open-ended follow-up question to get more details.
- "Thanks. Tell me more about..." or even just a direct "That's interesting. Tell me more."
- The other party is either going to come back with some tangibles or intangible issues:
- If they bring up intangibles, your follow-up question could be:
- "OK, what would that look like?" or
- "Great. Tell me, what would a workable solution look like and feel like for you?"
- That will encourage the other party to bring their needs to live and to add some specific details. You can then work with them to find a mutual path forward.
- If they bring up tangible items, you can then follow up with:
- "Excellent. Now help me understand. What makes this so important to you?"
- You signal that you're open to engaging and figuring out the best way forward.
- Follow up with more open questions.
- Summarize what you're hearing and repeat that back to them to encourage more details to be forthcoming as well.
- “What would that look like?" great follow-up.
8. What are your concerns?
- Asking the other party in a negotiation about their concerns is better than asking about their fears.
- Concerns are addressable, fears are emotional and hard to pin down.
- By signaling that you want to work systematically through their concerns, you maximize the chances they will go ahead.
- As you ask about their concerns, be comfortable if there is an extended period of silence. That's perfectly fine, as they will need some time to think.
- When they answer, the best approach is usually to summarize back to what they just said, and add "Can you tell me more about that?"
- Watch the non-verbal clues they give off as they speak. Listen for what is not being said.
- Some people will say "yes" while shaking their heads no at the same time.
- That should be a clue you need to dig a bit deeper.
- A shrug of the shoulders may indicate there are other unexpressed concerns that they are afraid or embarrassed to admit.
- You might need to do some probing to get to the heart of the matter.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment