How to Frame Problem Topics in a Conversation

Most work discussions are about solving problems and overcoming challenges. 

• Each of these problems can be complex in its own way. 
• Each has different implications, challenges, and timeframes. 
• Each needs to be explained in a way that people can quickly absorb and understand.

The simplest way to summarize a problem topic is to use the goal, problem, and solution method (GPS).

Structured Summary

Using the GPS method to structure your introduction makes it easy for your audience to understand what is happening and what you need. The three parts of the structured summary are: 

• Goal: The goal you are trying to achieve.
• Problem: The problem that is preventing you from reaching your goal
• There are three types of problem situations:
• You have a problem and need to find a solution.
• You have a problem and are recommending a solution. 
• You have a problem solved, and you are reporting the outcome.
• Solution: What I/we/you are going to do to solve the problem.

Problem Topics

Although a structured summary can be used by itself to provide a summary, it is always more valuable to combine it with framing.

• Example 1
• Context: I’ve just spoken to the Davison Group. 
• Intent: Can you help me with a problem? 
• Key Message: They didn’t get the last shipment and want a refund. 
• Goal: The Davison Group prepaid for a shipment last month that didn’t arrive; we need to fix this. 
• Problem: I can’t find the shipment, and the refund is above the limit I can approve. 
• Solution: Can you authorize the refund and help me find the missing shipment?
• Example 2
• Context: I reviewed the new information security policy. 
• Intent: We need to take action. 
• Key Message: Our firewall is not compliant anymore. 
• Goal: The new industry regulations require us to have a level-five firewall for all e-commerce transactions to keep payment data secure. 
• Problem: Our current software will only allow us to support up to level four.  
• Solution: We need to come up with a plan for upgrading the software and present it to the leadership team for approval.

How to structure a conversation with multiple problem topics

Conclusion

You can use the GPS method to create a summary introduction to any work conversation and avoid the most common communication issues: diving into the details too quickly, going off on tangents, and dwelling on the past instead of focusing on solutions.

Any work topic, no matter how complex, can be summarized using the goal, problem, and solution method.

References

• The First Minute: How to Start Conversations That Get Results (Amazon.com)
• How To Start Conversations That Get Results: Chris Fenning (YouTube)
• Book resources and other material - Chris Fenning

Read More

How to Frame a Single Topic in a Conversation

 What is Framing? 

Framing is the way to prepare an audience to receive your message before you go into detail. The framing should be no more than 3 sentences and delivered in less than 15 seconds.

Context. Orientate your audience with a simple statement. 

• Without context, the audience is not on the same page as you.
• Never assume the other person knows what you are talking about.
• Give context quickly, so your audience knows the topic you are going to talk about.
• Name of the customer, project, issues, process, system, tool, task, or objective.
• Examples:
• "I'm working on the project ABC..."
• "I was reviewing the new Information Security Policy..."
• "We are closing the sale on the Jefferson account..."
• "I want to reward m team..."

Intent. Let them know what you need them to do with the information you are about to share.

• The longer it takes for your audience to understand the purpose of your message, the more likely they are to guess.
• The audience is not processing the information in the way you want or need to.
• The Six Work-related Intentions:
1. Needing Help/Advice/Input.
• "Can you help me?"
• "We need your input"
• "Can you explain something?"
2. Requesting Action.
• "Can you provide an update on...?"
• "Can you send the contract to..."
3. Wanting a Decision.
• "We need a decision on..."
4. Letting to Know Something is About to Happen.
• "Heads up, something is about to happen on ..."
• "You need to know this before you..."
5. Provide Information/Input.
• "Here is the report you asked for"
• "Here is the information you requested"
6. Just to Talk.
• "I have a funny story to share..." or "Do you have time for a funny story?"
• "You might find this interesting..." or "Would you like to know...." 
• "Can I vent for a minute?"
• If you are the listener and you do not know the intent then ask.
• "Is there something specific I can help with?"

Key Message. The line contains the most important piece of information your audience needs to know.

• The Key Message doesn't have to summarize every detail but has the most important message you must communicate.
• When you explain the lows and highs we lead the audience through them with us.
• When the audience doesn't know how the story ends, they feel every high and low as if it was the potential outcome.
• When you start with the Key Message you are telling them how the story ends.
• You can use the following questions to find out your key message:
• "Why am I telling this?"
• "Is there something I need them to do?"
• Answer the "So what?" question.
• Here are some examples of concise key messages common in workplace situations:
• "We just closed a new client"
• "The team beat the service level target"
• "The system is down and will take a week to fix it."
• "I missed a deadline, and the customer is upset."
• Not only the message delivered is faster, but the important information is clearer.
• Find the most important sentence in your message and deliver it first.
• After that, you can go with more details as you want.

Framing Examples

• Example 1.
• Context: "I am working on the ABC account."
• Intent (only 1 of the 6): "I have good news."
• Key message: "We just got them as a new client."
• Example 2.
• Context: "I read the report you sent me."
• Intent (only 1 of the 6): "Can you explain something?"
• Key message: "I want to understand the change in timeline."
• Example 3.
• Context: "I review the new IT policy."
• Intent (only 1 of the 6): "You should know..."
• Key message: "We just got them as a new client."

How to Know If You Need More than One Frame?

• More than one Context. 
• If you want to talk about two different projects, clients, or situations, then you have two topics or frames.
• More than one Intent. 
• If you need two different actions from your audience, you have two topics or frames.
• With more than one Key Message.
• You have more than one topic or frame.

If you fail to separate topics in your conversation, it can lead to an "ambush." 

References

• The First Minute: How to Start Conversations That Get Results (Amazon.com)
• How To Start Conversations That Get Results: Chris Fenning (YouTube)
• Book resources and other material - Chris Fenning

Read More

10 Questions to Negotiate Anything

Look in the mirror, before you enter into any negotiation, take thirty minutes to first ask yourself five good questions. Look out the window and see the other party clearly. Ask questions and then listen empathetically. Try and discern their needs, concerns, and feelings

Look in the Mirror

1. What problem do I need to solve?

• Take a piece of paper and write down the exact problem you want to solve.
• Define something concrete, not abstract.
• Take what is written and summarize it in one sentence.
• Have a clear, concise aim for the negotiation.
• Change anything which is backward-looking and negative to forward-looking and positive.
• Focus on what you want in the future rather than being trapped in the past.
• e.g.: "Our junior employee satisfaction rating is low" should become "We need to achieve high junior employee satisfaction levels".
• Take your sentence and change it into a question by adding how, what, who, or when. 
• e.g. "What can we do to achieve high junior employee satisfaction levels?"
• Revise your question to broaden it – to reflect the true bigger picture issues at play here.
• e.g. "What can we do to make this a great place to work, and where achievers will want to come and stay?"

2. What do I need to get out of this?

• Take a piece of paper – and write down your initial answer to the question "What do I need?"  
• Take five minutes to write down everything that comes to mind without censorship.
• Remind yourself that needs are the reasons why you make demands, not the demands themselves.
• Divide your list into two buckets or categories – tangibles and intangibles. 
• Make a fresh list of your tangible needs and your intangible needs.
• Now take your tangibles list – and for each item ask "What makes this important?" and "What does this represent for me?" 
• Write down your answers to those questions because this is getting to the why.
• You're heading towards understanding your deepest needs and values.
• You should also ponder the question: "How else might I fulfill my need for  __?"
• Then turn to your intangibles list – and for each item ask: 
• "What would that look like?" Write down your answers to that follow-up question. 
• Then ask: "How else might I __?"
• By the way, if you get stuck and can't come up with any specific needs, think about whatever you find intolerable about your situation and flip it around. 
• Write down the opposite and go from there.

3. What do I feel about this?

• It will help you understand your own priorities before the negotiation begins.
• You'll craft better solutions – by harnessing your feelings rather than ignoring them.
• "What would help eliminate or at least reduce my feeling of X in this negotiation?" 
• Working through that question will frequently lead to some concrete ideas for how to move forward. 
• You minimize the opportunity for your underlying feelings to sideline your negotiation.
• Go through the list and see if you agree you're feeling one of these emotions or a mix of a few different ones. You can also go back to your needs (tangible or intangible) to try and put your finger on what you're feeling. 
• The two most common hidden emotions tend to be guilt and fear. These are the two emotions that most often blow up negotiations, so take care to identify whether guilt or fear is present.

4. How have I handled this (successfully) before?

• You'll be able to place today's negotiations into context.
• A powerful positive anchor is great because it will launch you into the future in the best way possible.
• Remembering your prior successes can generate some very worthwhile data.
• Recall good strategies that were delivered in the past and can work again.
• Having a positive frame of reference will prime you to think creatively.

5. What's the first step?

• Start designing your ideal future.
• Determine the first step you want the other party to take to move them in the right direction.
• Focusing on the first step forward will build momentum.
• Momentum can then motivate everyone to take many subsequent steps forward.
• Taking the first step will help people to focus and organize their thoughts so they can keep moving forward on their own power.
• Many negotiations are cumulative.
• If you can get people to successfully take the first step, they will then agree to take the next four or five as well

Look out of the Window

6. Tell me ......?

• Tell me ..." allows you to learn exactly how the other party defines the problem at hand. It builds a relationship with the other party, and it signals you genuinely want to understand the pressures they are under and respond. It empowers you to listen to what's not being said. e.g.:
• "Tell me about yourself" is the perfect icebreaker.
• "Tell me about what brought you here today."
• "Tell me about the issues and challenges you face."
• "Tell me more."
• "Tell me about your day."
• "Tell me about your goals."
• "Tell me have you made an offer yet?"
• "Tell me about your hopes for this meeting."
• "Tell me about the person you're looking for to fill this job opening."
• "Tell me your thoughts on the settlement offer on the table."
• "Tell me your perspective on what's been happening lately."
• "Tell me what's been happening from your perspective."
• Once you ask a "Tell me..." question, give the other person enough time to answer. Be comfortable with the silence while they think, and then summarize back to them what they say. This ensures you've heard correctly, and it's an invitation to give more feedback and details

7. What do you need?

• Look the other person in the eye and ask: "What do you need?" If you cut to the chase like this, you'll be amazed at how frequently a collaborative and productive compromise can be reached, even in the most bitter negotiations. e.g:
• "What do you need from any vendor who supplies your stores?"
• "What do you need to get out of this deal in order to make all your stakeholders happy?"
• "When you're considering how to prioritize your budget, what do you need the most?"
• "What do you need first and foremost when you work with homeowners?"
• "What do you need to get this job done?"
• "What do you need here? I felt that earlier in our discussions, you were leaning towards ..."
• "What do you need? 
• "How about if we... "
• Be comfortable with and enjoy the silence while they are thinking.
• When they reply, you can then ask for an open-ended follow-up question to get more details.
• "Thanks. Tell me more about..." or even just a direct "That's interesting. Tell me more."
• The other party is either going to come back with some tangibles or intangible issues:
• If they bring up intangibles, your follow-up question could be: 
• "OK, what would that look like?" or 
• "Great. Tell me, what would a workable solution look like and feel like for you?"
• That will encourage the other party to bring their needs to live and to add some specific details. You can then work with them to find a mutual path forward.
• If they bring up tangible items, you can then follow up with: 
• "Excellent. Now help me understand. What makes this so important to you?" 
• You signal that you're open to engaging and figuring out the best way forward.
• Follow up with more open questions. 
• Summarize what you're hearing and repeat that back to them to encourage more details to be forthcoming as well.
• “What would that look like?" great follow-up.

8. What are your concerns?

• Asking the other party in a negotiation about their concerns is better than asking about their fears.
• Concerns are addressable, fears are emotional and hard to pin down. 
• By signaling that you want to work systematically through their concerns, you maximize the chances they will go ahead.
• As you ask about their concerns, be comfortable if there is an extended period of silence. That's perfectly fine, as they will need some time to think. 
• When they answer, the best approach is usually to summarize back to what they just said, and add "Can you tell me more about that?"
• Watch the non-verbal clues they give off as they speak. Listen for what is not being said. 
• Some people will say "yes" while shaking their heads no at the same time. 
• That should be a clue you need to dig a bit deeper.
• A shrug of the shoulders may indicate there are other unexpressed concerns that they are afraid or embarrassed to admit.
• You might need to do some probing to get to the heart of the matter.

9. Have you handled this before?

10 What's the first step?

References

• Summary of Ask for More by Alexandra Carter | Summaries.Com
• Book: Ask for More: 10 Questions to Negotiate Anything (amazon.com)

Read More

Coaching with only 7 Questions

1. What's on Your Mind?

Use the 3P Model to focus the conversation:

• Project. Content of the situation. Start here and see if the conversation can be moved to any of the other two Ps.
• People. What your role is in this relationship that might currently be less than ideal.
• Patterns. Patterns of behaviors and ways of working that you'd like to change.
• Example:
• After asking: "Out of curiosity, What's in your mind?"
• Deepen the conversation: "So there are three different facets of what we could look at. Project side - any challenges about the actual content. The People side - any issue with team members/colleagues/other departments/bosses/customers/clients and Patterns - if there's a way that you're getting in your own way, and not showing up in the best possible way. Where should we start?"

2. And What Else?

• Ask it one more time.
• Recognize success when people say: "There is nothing else"
• Wrapping up: 
• "Is there anything else?"
• "What else could you do?"
• "What else might be possible?"

3. What's the Real Challenge here for You? 

• The solution to the Proliferation of Challenges - too many topics at once: 
• "If you have to pick one of there to focus on, which one here would be the real challenge for you?"
• The solution to coaching the ghost - talking about other people, projects, or situations rather than focusing on what they can do:
• "I think that I understand what's going on with [insert the name of other people/project/situation]. What's the real challenge here for you?"
• The solution to abstractions & generalizations - big picture, high-level conversations/talking about "us" and "we" but not about "me" and "I":
• "I have a sense of the overall challenge. What is the real challenge here for you?"

4. What do you want?

• Listen if you see the need behind the person's response.
• Universal needs:
• Affection.
• Creation.
• Recreation.
• Freedom.
• Identity.
• Understanding.
• Participation.
• Protection.
• Subsistence.
• Drive engagement, Increase the TERA. People are asking themself:
• Tribe. "Are you with me or against me?"
• Expectation. "Do I know the future or I don't?"
• Rank: "Are you more important or less important than I am?"
• Autonomy: "Do I get a say or don't I"

5. How can I help?

• Soften the question:
• "Out of curiosity, How can I help?" or 
• "Just to know..." or 
• "To make sure that I'm clear..."
• You could respond: "Yes".
• You can say Yes if it is reasonable for you.
• How to say "No":
• "I can't do that... but I could do...[insert counter offer]"
• Avoid answering the question "What do you think I should do?"
• "That's a great question, I've got some ideas, which I'll share with you. But before I do, what are your first thoughts?" Then say "that's terrific" ask 2.

6. If You are saying Yes to this, What are you saying No to?

• Use the 3P model:
• Projects:
• "What projects do you need to abandon or postpone?"
• "What meeting would you no longer attend?"
• "What resources do you need to divert to the Yes?"
• People:
• "What expectations do you need to manage?"
• "From what drama triangle will you extract yourself?"
• "What relationship will you let wither?"
• Patterns:
• "What habits do you need to break?"
• "What old stories or dated ambitions do you need to update?"
• "What beliefs about yourself do you need to let go of?"
• How to say No when you can't say No
• Part 1. Slowly or partially:
• "Why are you asking me?"
• "Whom else have you asked?"
• "When you say this is urgent, what do you mean?"
• "If I couldn't do all that of this, but could do just a part, what part would you have me do?"
• "What do you want me to take off my plate so I can do this?"
• Part 2. Directly to the request not to the person.
• "I'm afraid I have to say No to this"
• Other 5 strategic questions:
• "What is our winning aspiration?"
• "Where will we play?" - choose a sector
• "How will we win?"
• "What capabilities must be in place?"
• "What management systems are required?"

7. What was most useful for you?

• Extracts what was useful

Deepen Coaching 

• Sequence: 1-2a-3, 2a-2b-3

Covered Scenarios

• How to say no.
• The 3P model.
• Feelings and Needs.

References

• Box Of Crayons
• Book The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever

Read More

How to Hold Someone Accountable

"Behind the problems that routinely plague our organizations and families, you'll find individuals who are either unwilling or unable to deal with broken promises. Colleagues break a rule, coworkers miss a deadline, friends fail to live up to commitments (or just plain behave badly), and nobody says a word. Nobody holds anyone accountable. With repeated infractions, individuals become increasingly upset until they finally do speak their minds, but they do so poorly--often creating whole new sets of problems." - Amazon.com

Actionable Model

Read More

How to Get Prepared for a Crucial Conversation

"Crucial Conversations provides powerful skills to ensure every conversation―especially difficult ones―leads to the results you want. It teaches how to be persuasive rather than abrasive, how to get back to productive dialogue when others blow up or clam up, and it offers powerful skills for mastering high-stakes conversations, regardless of the topic or person." - Amazon.com

Actionable Model

Before you Speak

1. Get Unstuck

What problem should you address? (CPR)

• Identify where you are stuck.
• What bad results do you want to fix?
• What good results are you currently unable to achieve?
• What problems are you always trying to fix?
• What would people complain about at home and work?
• Unbundled with CPR.
• Content. A single instance of a problem (the action itself of immediate consequences)
• Pattern. Recurring problem (pattern overtime)
• Relationship. How the problem is affecting your relationship (trust, competence, respect)

2. Start with Heart

• Learning to focus on what you really want.
• What I am behaving like I want?
• What results do I really want -
• for myself?
• for others?
• for the relationship?
• for the organization?
• How would I behave if I really did?

3. Master My Stories

What do you really want for yourself, the other, your relationship, and the organization?

• Skill 1. Separate facts from Stories.
• Fact is something that can be proven through observation or measurement.
• Stories are judgments, conclusions, and attributions.
• Skill 2. Watch for Three Clever Stories.
• Victim Stories: "It's not my fault..."
• Villian Stories: "It's all your fault..."
• Helpless Stories: "There is nothing else I can do..."
• Skill 3. Tell the rest of the Story.
• What am I pretending not to notice about my role in the problem?
• Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this?
• What would I do right now to move towards what I really want? 

During the Conversation

1. STATE My Path

• Share your facts. 
• Start with what see and hear. Include how that differs from your expectations.
• "I noticed that..."
• "Twice you..."
• "Last three times we talked about this..."
• "I was expecting to receive this by X and it's now Y..."
• Tell your story. 
• How the story you are sharing differs from a clever story?. 
• "I'm beginning to wonder if..."
• "It seems to me..."
• "It leads me to conclude that..."
• "I believe that..."
• "I start to think that..."
• Ask for others' paths. 
• Be humble, let others share new ideas, and challenge your story.
• Effective:
• "How do you see it?"
• "Can you help me better understand?"
• "What is your view?"
• Ineffective:
• "Isn't that the case?"
• "What can we do to make sure this doesn't happen again?"
• "No one disagrees with that, do they?"
• Talk tentatively.
• Tell your story as a story, not as a fact.
• Allow room for others' stories.
• Avoid absolutes.
• Too Forceful vs Tentative:
• "The fact of the matter is...." - "In my opinion..."
• "That's a dumb idea..." - "Maybe this would make more sense..."
• "The only reasonable option is to..." - "I believe that we should do is..."
• "If I agree with you, then we'd both be wrong..." - "I'm wondering if that example applies to our company"
• Encourage testing.
• Add more meaning to the pool.
• "What happened...?"
• "Can you help me to understand...?"
• "What am I missing...?"
• "Do you see it differently?"

2. Learn to Look

Watch to see if the Respondent shows signs that they are feeling unsafe or signs of defensiveness because they have misinterpreted your intent. Watch for signs of Silence or Violence.

• Learn to Look For When a Conversation Becomes Crucial
• High Stakes.
• High Emotions.
• Oppositive Opinions.
• Learn to Look For Signs of Silence of Violence in Yourself and others
• Silence: Action taken to withhold information.
• Avoiding.
• Masking
• Withdrawing
• Violence: Action is taken to compel others towards your point of view
• Attacking.
• Controlling.
• Labeling.

3. Make it Safe

Step out of the content. Stop talking about the issue and address the safety concerns. Rebuild safety: Mutual Purpose, Mutual Respect. Then step back in.

• Apologize when appropriate.
• Use contrast to address misunderstandings.
• In the "don't" half of your statement, answer:
• How might others mistake my purpose?
• How might they feel disrespected?
• In the "do" half of your statement, answer:
• What is my real motivation?
• How do I really feel about that person?
• When to use contrasting:
• In the moment. When you notice others become defensive.
• Upfront. If you believe there is a high likelihood that the other person will misunderstand your intent.
• "I don't think/mean/want... (their fear/misunderstanding)"
• "I do think/mean/want... (your actual purpose or meaning)"
• Take Four Steps to Create Mutual Purpose (Violence).
• Commit to seeking mutual purpose. Breaking an impasse to seek the interest of others.
• "Can we look for something we both agree on?..."
• "It appears we're at an impasse. I'd like to see if we can come up with some shared goals..."
• "This doesn't seem to be working. Let's see if we can come up with some common objectives..."
• "It seems we are stuck here. Why don't we spend some time looking for something that will satisfy both of us?"
• Recognize the purpose behind the strategy. Find the purpose by asking why they want what they want and getting both of your meanings into the pool.
• "Let me understand where you are coming from"
• "What are you trying to achieve?"
• "What is it you want..."
• Invent a Mutual Purpose. Look for a higher level, longer-term purpose.
• "So, if we can get the project finished on time AND within the existing budget we will be both satisfied, right?"
• "I want to spend our discretionary fund to redo our branding. You are interested in funding additional R&D. What we both want is to have the best long-term impact on our division's financial goals. I'm fine putting off regarding if it's the best long term interest of our division"
• Brainstorm New Strategies.
• With a clear mutual purpose, you can join forces in searching for a solution that serves everyone.

4. Explore Others' Paths 

Help others leave silence or violence and join you in dialogue.

• Added AMPPs.
• Ask them to get things rolling. 
• Invite them to share their thoughts and feelings.
• Show genuine interest.
• "I want to know what you think about..."
• "What did you hear/see to let you to that conclusion?..."
• Mirror to confirm feelings.
• "You are saying X, but your tone of voice and posture say Y"
• Paraphrase to Acknowledge the story.
• "Let's see if I've got this right. You came something around... but..."
• Prime when you are getting nowhere.
• "Is it something that I've done that has you upset"
• "It's ok to share what you are really thinking and feeling. I won't be offended..."

After

1. Move to Action

• Who does what by when and follow up

Resources

• Crucial Conversations. Participant Preparation Sheet

References

• VitalSmart.com
• Book Crucial Conversations

Read More