How to Apologize

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"I said I was sorry! What more do you want? Even in the best of relationships, we mess up. We say and do things we deeply regret later on. So we need to make things right. But just saying you’re sorry isn’t enough. That’s only the first step on the road to restoration. In The 5 Apology Languages, Gary Chapman partners with Jennifer Thomas to help you on the journey toward restored relationships" - Amazon.com

True healing comes when you learn to: 

  • Express regret: "I'm sorry"
  • Accept responsibility: "I was wrong"
  • Make restitution: "How can I make it right"
  • Plan for change: "I'll take steps to prevent a reoccurrence"
  • Request forgiveness: "Can you find it in your heart to . . . ?"

The Conference

1. Expressing Regret

  • "I know now that I hurt you very deeply. That caused me deep pain. I am very sorry for what I did"
  • "You were promised a service that we have not provided. I am sorry our Company clearly dropped the ball this time"
  • "I obviously was not thinking very well. I never meant to hurt you, but I can see my words were way out of line. I'm sorry that I was not so insensitive"
  • "I feel really bad, I disappointed you. I should have been more thoughtful. I'm sorry I caused so much pain"

2. Accepting Responsibility

  • "I made a big mistake. I wasn't thinking at that time. But looking back, that was a problem. I wish I had thought before I acted. I was wrong"
  • "I spoke out of anger, trying to justify myself, but it was unkind and untrue. I was wrong"
  • "I repeated a mistake that we've discussed before. I messed up. I know it was my fault"

3. Restitution

  • "Is there anything that I can do to make up for what I have done?"
  • "Just saying "I'm sorry" doesn't seem right. I want to make it up somehow; what would you consider appropriate?"
  • "I've broken this promise again; would it help if O put my commitment in writing?"
  • "I damage your honor. Can I make a public correction in some way?"

4. Genuine Repentance

  • "How could I say that in a different way than you would not come across as critical?"
  • "I know my behavior was painful to you, and I do not want to cause pain. I am open to any ideas you may have for me"
  • "I let you down again. What would it take for you to rebuild your trust in me?"

5. Requesting forgiveness

  • "I know what I did hurt you very deeply. You have every right never to speak to me again, but I am truly sorry for what I did. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me"
  • "I am sorry for the way I spoke. You didn't deserve that. It was wrong of me. I am asking you to forgive me"

Resources

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