How to use Frames for Social Interactions

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What is a Frame?

Frames are mental structures that shape how we see the world (a.k.a: point of view or perspective). In business, frames pack your power, authority, strength, information, and status.

  • Everyone uses frames.
  • Social interactions bring different frames together.
  • Frames do not coexist.
  • The stronger frames absorb weaker frames.
  • The winning frame governs social interaction.
  • Frames involve social desire.

Choosing a Frame

  • When entering a social situation, ask: "What kind of frame am I against?". 
    • Be ready to change the frame as the social interaction evolves.
  • When you are in the middle of an interaction:
    • If you're reacting to the other person, that person owns the frame.
    • If the other person reacts to what you do and says, you own the frame.

Types of Frames

  • Power Frame. Derived from the fact others give this person honor and respect.
    • How to detect it:
      • Arrogance, lack of interest, rudeness, imperial.
      • Oblivious to what others think. 
      • Poor judges of the reaction of others.
      • Willing to take unmeasurable risks.
      • Telling others what to do.
    • How to combat it:
      • Avoiding reacting to the other's frame.
      • Do nothing to strengthen the other's frame.
    • How to set it up:
      • Perpetrate a slight denial or,
      • Act out some type of defiance.
      • Play the give-and-take power frame game if needed.
        • Do not abuse when you have control.
    • Examples:
      • Place a folder on the conference table labeled "Confidential"
        • When the target reaches for the file, you grab it and say:  "Uh-uh, not yet. You have to wait for it."
      • Bring some visuals.
        • When the target sneaks a peek and then, and then when you see him curiously looking.
        • Turn it over, take it away, and say: "Not until I say you are ready."
      • Respond to a comment with a small but forceful act of defiance.
        • Person: "Thanks for coming, I only have 15 mins..."
        • You: "That's okay, I only have 12, but you are serious too."
      • Be defiant and funny at the same time.
  • Analyst Frame. 
    • Disrupted by Intrigue Frame. 
  • Intrigue Frame. 
    • How to detect it's needed:
      • When somebody asks for details.
      • When communication is not flowing back and forth (nonreactive state).
        • The person shows disinterest or shows mind wandering. 
        • The person thinks they can predict your idea before you explain it.
      • When extreme and nearly total loss of alertness. 
        • Lost of mutual connection.
    • How to set it up:
      • Respond with a "Summary of Data" you prepared for this specific purpose.
        • Redirect the attention back to your pitch.
      • Tell an Intrigue Story, a brief but relevant story that involves you:
        • It's a personal story that you have prepared in advance.
        • You are in the story's center to redirect the attention back to you.
        • There has to be some suspense, risk, danger, and uncertainty.
        • There should be time pressure.
          • Clock ticking
          • There are ominous consequences if action is taken slowly.
        • You are trying to do something but are being blocked by some force.
        • There should be serious consequences, failure won't be pretty.
    • Disrupts the Analyst Frame.
    • Examples:
      • In financial deals: "The revenue is X, the expense is Y, this and other factors you can verify later but right now what we have to focus is on this: are we a good fit? Should we be doing business together?"
      • When the audience's attention begins to shift to analytical questions:
        • Tell your Intrigue Story.
          • "This reminds me..."
  • Time Frame. This often happens when attention is beyond the human span.
    • How to detect it:
      • You see attention being to wane.
      • People become fatigued.
      • You have been pitched for a few minutes.
    • How to combat it:
      • When attention is bottom out and expires, that's it.
    • Hot to set it up:
      • Stay in control of the time and wrapping up.
        • Do not try to speed up to go through the rest of the pitch.
    • Examples:
      • During a meeting:
        • "Hey, it looks like time us up. I've got to wrap this up and get to my next meeting."
        • If they are interested, they will agree to a follow-up.
      • Rush to meet with you:
        • Person: "Hi, I only have about 10 minutes to meet with you..."
        • You: "No, I don't work like that, there isn't sense in rescheduling unless we like each other and trust each other. I need to know, if are you good to work with?, can you keep appointments? and stick to a schedule."
  • Prize Frame. Tells people "You are trying to win my attention, I am the prize, not you. I can find some others like you but there is only one me."
    • How to detect it:
      • Missing appointments, the person arriving late, delaying to start.
    • How to combat it:
      • Ask the others to get organized.
        • "So you guys are asking me to delay the start? Okay, I can give you 15 mins to get organized, but if we can't start by, let us just call it a day."
      • If the person doesn't show up:
        • Do not deliver your presentation or any other material.
        • Do not apologize.
      • Make the person qualify himself to you.
        • "Can you tell me about yourself? I am picky about who I'm working with."
      • Make the person perform a legitimate task to earn a deal. 
      • Take the time to step back and withdraw.
        • Don't be needy.
      • Embrace the idea that money is a commodity.
    • How to set it up:
      • Place the frame by telling them at the beginning of the meeting.
        • "I'm glad I could find the time to meet you today. I do have a meeting right after this. Let's get started."
  • Moral Authority Frame. Tells people: "We are right, you are wrong."
    • How to detect it:
      • The others do not have the moral or rightness to act as they do.
    • How to set it up:
      • Be prepared with an agenda to make things, with an actionable step-by-step involving acknowledgment by you of each of the actions that you ask them to do.
      • Tell them why you are right and they are wrong.
        • "You have done/not done X, Y, and this is/not is what agree/it isn't right, and you know that...(immediately lay out your agenda)."
      • Tell them your agenda:
        • "This is what will happen, 1)... 2)... 3)..."
      • Tell them as they speak:
        • "Your lips are moving, but I am not listening to a single word, your words have no meaning. Stop talking start...."
      • Tell them what you are going to do:
        • "You know what, I've had enough of this. Get out of here now, I'm going to call the cops..."
      • Tell them what will happen to them.
        • "Let me paint a picture for you: (describe personal consequences to them, their assets, or relatives). Is that how you want to end today?. The other option is to start..."
      • Tell them how you will check progress,
        • "(call their name), every 15 minutes you are going to give me a deliverable that means - just so you understand me perfectly- something happens that benefits me. Cancel your schedule, do not leave this room, pick up the phone and start..."
      • Commit to your frame and keep it strong (plowing).

References

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