Coaching with only 7 Questions

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1. What's on Your Mind?

Use the 3P Model to focus the conversation:

  • Project. Content of the situation. Start here and see if the conversation can be moved to any of the other two Ps.
  • People. What your role is in this relationship that might currently be less than ideal.
  • Patterns. Patterns of behaviors and ways of working that you'd like to change.
  • Example:
    • After asking: "Out of curiosity, What's in your mind?"
    • Deepen the conversation: "So there are three different facets of what we could look at. Project side - any challenges about the actual content. The People side - any issue with team members/colleagues/other departments/bosses/customers/clients and Patterns - if there's a way that you're getting in your own way, and not showing up in the best possible way. Where should we start?"

2. And What Else?

  • Ask it one more time.
  • Recognize success when people say: "There is nothing else"
  • Wrapping up: 
    • "Is there anything else?"
    • "What else could you do?"
    • "What else might be possible?"

3. What's the Real Challenge here for You? 

  • The solution to the Proliferation of Challenges - too many topics at once: 
    • "If you have to pick one of there to focus on, which one here would be the real challenge for you?"
  • The solution to coaching the ghost - talking about other people, projects, or situations rather than focusing on what they can do:
    • "I think that I understand what's going on with [insert the name of other people/project/situation]. What's the real challenge here for you?"
  • The solution to abstractions & generalizations - big picture, high-level conversations/talking about "us" and "we" but not about "me" and "I":
    • "I have a sense of the overall challenge. What is the real challenge here for you?"

4. What do you want?

  • Listen if you see the need behind the person's response.
  • Universal needs:
    • Affection.
    • Creation.
    • Recreation.
    • Freedom.
    • Identity.
    • Understanding.
    • Participation.
    • Protection.
    • Subsistence.
  • Drive engagement, Increase the TERA. People are asking themself:
    • Tribe. "Are you with me or against me?"
    • Expectation. "Do I know the future or I don't?"
    • Rank: "Are you more important or less important than I am?"
    • Autonomy: "Do I get a say or don't I"

5. How can I help?

  • Soften the question:
    • "Out of curiosity, How can I help?" or 
    • "Just to know..." or 
    • "To make sure that I'm clear..."
  • You could respond: "Yes".
    • You can say Yes if it is reasonable for you.
  • How to say "No":
    • "I can't do that... but I could do...[insert counter offer]"
  • Avoid answering the question "What do you think I should do?"
    • "That's a great question, I've got some ideas, which I'll share with you. But before I do, what are your first thoughts?" Then say "that's terrific" ask 2.

6. If You are saying Yes to this, What are you saying No to?

  • Use the 3P model:
    • Projects:
      • "What projects do you need to abandon or postpone?"
      • "What meeting would you no longer attend?"
      • "What resources do you need to divert to the Yes?"
    • People:
      • "What expectations do you need to manage?"
      • "From what drama triangle will you extract yourself?"
      • "What relationship will you let wither?"
    • Patterns:
      • "What habits do you need to break?"
      • "What old stories or dated ambitions do you need to update?"
      • "What beliefs about yourself do you need to let go of?"
  • How to say No when you can't say No
    • Part 1. Slowly or partially:
      • "Why are you asking me?"
      • "Whom else have you asked?"
      • "When you say this is urgent, what do you mean?"
      • "If I couldn't do all that of this, but could do just a part, what part would you have me do?"
      • "What do you want me to take off my plate so I can do this?"
    • Part 2. Directly to the request not to the person.
      • "I'm afraid I have to say No to this"
  • Other 5 strategic questions:
    • "What is our winning aspiration?"
    • "Where will we play?" - choose a sector
    • "How will we win?"
    • "What capabilities must be in place?"
    • "What management systems are required?"

7. What was most useful for you?

  • Extracts what was useful

Deepen Coaching 

  • Sequence: 1-2a-3, 2a-2b-3

Covered Scenarios

  • How to say no.
  • The 3P model.
  • Feelings and Needs.

References

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