The Five Types of Presentations

Informational ("What I know…")

Status reports, conference research presentations, issue overviews…this is the most common presentation and inherently the most boring. The presenter is focusing on a simple transaction, transferring information to their audience.

  • Follow the What->So What->Now What test to make sure you select only the most essential information and keep it relevant to your audience’s needs.

Personal Story ("What I learned…")

Stories help illustrate greater truths, they also humanize concepts in a way that facts and data simply can’t. The best stories provide entertainment on the way to a lesson.

  • Adhere to the drama triangle, that all stories have tension and there is usually a hero, a victim, and a villain. 
  • The hero needs to be fighting against something in order to ideally benefit the greater good. But, before you go and constantly make yourself the hero of every story, remember humility helps sell lessons learned.

Tribute ("What I admire…")

This approach is inherently emotional since it usually commemorates one of life's big moments: awards, weddings, retirement, and even eulogies. Your job is to make the case for the actions and impact of another, by illustrating how they’ve been special and made a difference.

  • By and large, be careful not to insert too much of yourself into a tribute. 
  • You are a witness to someone or something's greatness, not the focus. 
  • In fact, one of the nicest and most compelling things you can say about another person is that you could never or could only ever hope to accomplish what they have.

Persuasive ("What I believe...")

In any pitch, you are diagnosing a problem, proposing a solution, and selling the benefits of that solution. There is still a very personal element to that line of thinking, which you can use to your advantage.

  • Develop your persuasive argument by incorporating the three pillars of persuasion: ethos (personal values), pathos (emotion), and logos (logic). 
  • By mixing each, you can build the strongest act of persuasion possible.

Motivational ("What world I want to live in…")

They are about making people "see the stars" and are built on aspirations. Often, the motivational approach is the opposite of persuasion, because you ask the audience to dream and have faith, not consider numbers, data, or even precedent. Because you have a lot less concrete information to speak from, this approach is the most likely to make use of famous quotations, historical achievements, and "what if" thinking.

  • A good place to start when planning a motivational talk is by recognizing prevailing thinking and looking for ways to challenge validity.

References

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The 3-Minute Rule

Learning how to structure your presentation effectively so that it concludes all the important and relevant information inside the three minutes, evolution allotted minutes. 

The objective is to feed your information and easily comprehensible statements and naturally graspable stages that would allow your audience to format a core understanding of the value of your proposition effectively.

If you want them to see your proposal the way you see your proposal, your audience must conceptualize your idea. Contextualize how it would benefit them, and then actualize it with potential engagement or further interest.

The essence of a successful presentation is to WHACK your story. 

WHACK

  • What is it? (50% or 1 min 30 secs)
    • What is the most significant need that your product or start-up fills?
    • What problem does it solve?
    • What makes it unique?
  • How does it work? (30% or 1 minute)
    • Does your presentation explain why the elements of your offer are valuable or important?
    • Does it explain how your product works or how to achieve your goal?
    • How can you deliver on your promise?
  • Are you sure? (15% or 20 seconds)
    • Is your information backed by a fact or a figure?
    • Does your presentation prove something?
    • Has a third party verified your claims?
    • What have you said that someone might not believe?
    • These should only back up or verify your offer and should come only after.
  • Can you do it? (5% or 10 seconds)
    • What have you done that's similar that proves you can do it?
    • How have you trained for this?
    • Do you have the necessary connections?
    • What are the repercussions of underperformance?

Opening

  • Why? - Your reason for being.
    • Tell them how you came to be involved in your idea and how you figured out it was good.
    • Tell them why you are excited about your idea.

The All-Is-Lost

  • Create a moment by bringing up a problem that is jeopardizing or might jeopardize the success of your project.
  • Don't let your audience find a negative out by themselves.

The Hook

  • It is the one thing or element about your idea that makes your audience go "oh, that's cool".
  • It comes near the end.

The Edge

  • It is a story that has a little oomph to it, one that you can justifiably end with.
  • Find a story and at least for a second, make your audience think "oh, I didn't know that".

The Callback

  • It is the moment you say "See what I'm talking about?"
  • It is the moment you repeat the reason for being and verify it.
  • The callback tells your audience "now you see it too, don't you?"

Example of a Slide Deck

  • All-Is-Lost. One slide (optional).
  • The Hook. One slide.
  • The Edge - One slide (recommended to use one image).
  • The Callback - No slide (it must be spontaneous for your audience).
  • Can you do it? - One slide (optional, just explain it).

References

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How to Give Feedback

Step by Step

  1. Introduce the conversation by asking for a few minutes.
    • "Is it a good time for the other person to talk?."
    • "John when you have 5 minutes, I need to talk to you."
  2. State your motive.
    • Let them know you are speaking because you have their best interests at heart.
    • "This is a little awkward and may be uncomfortable. I want you to know that while I wish I didn't have to tell you this, I'm doing it because I care about you and I want you to be successful."
  3. Describe the observed behavior.
    • Picture a specific recent example of what you're referring to.
    • "John, I've noticed that you have an odor."
  4. Share the impact or result of the behavior.
    • Explain what happened as a result of the person's action.
    • "I know this is a very awkward subject (empathize). We work in a small space. I don't want others to avoid working with you or say negative things about you. And as awkward as this is, I would rather you hear this from me than someone else. Sometimes health conditions can cause certain odors, as can eating some foods."
  5. In dialogue, ask the recipient for their perception of the situation.
    • Ask questions, and have a dialogue.
    • "What are your thoughts?" or
    • "What happened?"
  6. Make a suggestion or request for what you'd like the person to do next time.
    • "I'm very sorry to tell you this. Please make sure you shower every day before coming to work and wash your clothes each time you wear them. And please tell me if there is something else you'd like me to know."
  7. Build an agreement about the next steps.
    • You can skip it based on the awkwardness of the subject.
  8. Say thank you.
    • "Thank you for being willing to have this conversation with me."

Preparation

  • Questions for you to consider answering before a difficult feedback conversation
    • What's working? What is not working?
    • What's the most important for this person to know?
    • What would you like this person to do differently?
    • What are your requests?
    • What do you want to say but probably won't?
    • What would you say first?
  • When delivering feedback.
    • Privately (when possible). 
    • Within a week of the incident. 
    •  You or the feedback recipient are not upset. If you are upset, wait 24 hours until you are calm.
    • You have sufficient time for the conversation.
    • The recipient is not having a day during which everything has gone wrong (personal or professional speaking)
    • Neither of you goes on vacation the next day.
  • More than one piece of feedback. 
    • Address each issue individually.  
      • Once you have agreed on the next steps, then repeat the formula.
    • Give a small amount of feedback. No more than 3 things to work on at one time.
      • Address those things that still haven't changed.

Statement Examples

  • When taking responsibility.
    • "I probably should have said something a long time ago. I'm sorry I didn't. The purpose of this conversation is to ensure you get what you need from me as your manager."
  • When the behaviors are indirectly observed by another person:
    • "Mary I appreciate you telling me this. I know you asked me not to share it, and I want to respect your confidentiality. But it's a big deal and I have to pass on the feedback. How can I share the information so that you are comfortable? Do you want to talk to X yourself, I'm sure they will be receptive or Do you want me to talk to them?"
    • "I can't identify the source of this information, and I know that's frustrating. Typically, if I can't share the source, I don't give feedback. But I think it's important for you to know this. Here is my suggestion, as difficult as this will be: rather than trying to figure out who said what, just alter your behavior. You might also tell the people with whom you work most closely that you got some feedback on ___ and you are working to improve in that area. Tell your coworkers that you would appreciate any feedback they have. Then after you've made some changes, go back to them. Share what you've done differently and ask again for specific feedback."
  • When asking for their perception:
    • If you say the wrong thing or the message comes out stronger than you would like, apologize.
    • If the person is too emotional say: 
      • "I can see this is very upsetting and I'm sorry about that. Why don't we finish this conversation another time?" - when the person is calm, resume the conversation.
      • "I'm sorry you feel that way."
  • When making the request, be direct:
    • "Here is my request, when..., Does it work for you?"
  • When thanking:
    • "Thanks for being willing to have this conversation with me. It was hard for me to talk to you about this... But our working relationship matters to me, and I want to feel ..."

Quick Feedback 

  • "(Describe what you observed for feedback). I came across an article the other day that had some good ideas on how to..., Would you like me to make you a copy? or Would you like to hear a few ideas?"
  • "I'm realizing that when we started working together we never talked about our working-style preferences - our preferred method of communication, desired response time, how we handle questions, and so forth. I think it would be useful to have this conversation. What do you think? Would you like to do that now or schedule another time?"

    Requesting Feedback Model

    1. Ask for feedback.
      • Promise you will say "Thank You" regardless of what the person says.
      • Don't get defensive even if you think the other person is wrong.
        • The feedback is true for them
        • Deal with the other person's experience.
        • Your opinion of what happened makes no difference.
    2. Tell them
      1. "I've been working on ___"
      2. "I'd really like your feedback"
      3. "I'd specifically like feedback on ___ and ___""
      4. "Here are the opportunities in the next 2 weeks to see me do this (or review this piece of work)"
      5. "Can we schedule a meeting to discuss this?"

    Examples

    • Asking 6 people for feedback:
      • "What is the first impression I create?."
      • "What was I like to work with, or what do you think I would be like to work with?."
      • "If my coworkers were asked to talk about me when I wasn't there, what would they say?."
      • "How have I exceeded your expectations."
      • "How have I disappointed you?."
    • Asking for general feedback.
      • "We have been working together for a really long time. We see a lot of each other work and I realized that we never talk about it. I think it would be really helpful if we give each other feedback about what's working, and what we might do differently. What do you think? Is it something you'd like to do?"
    • Ask for specific feedback.
      • "I have been working very hard to strengthen my skills on X subject. Would you be willing to watch me in X's situation and give me some feedback? I'd really appreciate your insights. In fact, I'd really like more feedback in general. If you be willing to bring things to my attention that get in the way of my success, I'd really appreciate it. I promise to be receptive and say thank you. Would you be comfortable doing that?"
    • Asking for feedback from the direct supervisor.
      • "I got some feedback on ___. I respect your judgment and I would like to hear your impressions. Would you be willing to watch for this behavior over the next two weeks? Then perhaps we can set a time to discuss your observations. Would that be okay?"

    Asking others to pass the Feedback

    1. Ask the other to talk.
    2. State why you want the other person to pass the feedback.
    3. Describe the behavior. 
    4. Make a suggestion or request
    5. Volunteer to help (optionally)

    Examples

    • "Steve, I need to talk to you offline. I know you have a good relationship with X, and I'm wondering if you run little interference. I've noticed that ___, Would be willing to talk to him and how to improve on ___."

    References

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    How to Express Gratitude

    Based on Positive Moralistic Judgments, people often say: "You did a good job on that paper", "You are a very kind person", and "You are a good dancer" and that's Jackal Language. It's intended to reward, people's behavior with the purpose to reinforce something to the person to continue doing. It works only until people see the manipulation and it's equally dangerous that people won't trust gratitude anymore.

    How to Give Gratitude

    Using the NVC Model, you can say something like:
    • "When you did/said X, Y..., it leaves me feeling Z (e.g. hopeful and relieved). It meets a need of mine for A..."

    How to Receive Gratitude

    According to Dr. Rosemberg, there is zero information value in being told what you are and there is a great danger to you in believing it. It's better to help the other person to fully express themself:
    • [O] "Thank you/You are a good/intelligent/..."
    • [Y] "What did I do or say to make life more wonderful for you?"
    • [O] "You said/did..."
    • [Y] "Can you tell me how you feel now as a result of me having done/saying those X things?"
    • [O]: E.g., "Hopefull and relieved"
    • [Y]: "What need of you was fulfilled by me saying what I did that leaves you feeling 'hopeful and relieved'"
    • [O]: "...my need for connection"

    The Conference


    Scenarios Covered

    • How to say thank you.
    • How to express appreciation.
    • How to give feedback.
    • How to receive feedback.

    References

    • Nonviolent Communication (post)
    • Feelings and Needs (post)
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    Faux Feelings

    When somebody says: "I’m feeling rejected", in nonviolent communication you might empathically translate this as: "Are you feeling scared because you would really like to be included?". These words imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame - Narrative Pathways.com

    Jackal Word to Giraffe Feeling(s), and Need(s)

    • Abandoned: Terrified, hurt, bewildered, sad, frightened, lonely.
      • Need for: Nurturing, connection, belonging, support, caring.
    • Abused: Angry, frustrated, frightened.
      • Need for: Caring, nurturing, support, emotional or physical well-being, consideration, need for all living things to flourish
    • [NotAccepted: Scared, lonely, hurt, anxious.
      • Need for: Inclusion, connection, community, belonging, contribution, peer respect.
    • Attacked: Scared, angry, defiant, hostile.
      • Need for: Safety, consideration.
    • Belittled: Angry, frustrated, tense, distressed.
      • Need for: Respect, autonomy, to be seen, acknowledgment, appreciation.
    • Betrayed: Angry, hurt, disappointed, enraged.
      • Need for: Trust, dependability, honesty, honor, commitment, clarity.
    • Blamed: Angry, scared, confused, antagonistic, hostile, bewildered, hurt.
      • Need for: Accountability, causality, fairness, and justice.
    • Bullied: Angry, scared, pressured Autonomy, choice, safety, consideration.
    • Caged/Boxed-in: Angry, thwarted, scared, anxious.
      • Need for: Autonomy, choice, freedom.
    • Cheated: Resentful, hurt, angry.
      • Need for: Honesty, fairness, justice, trust, reliability.
    • Coerced: Angry, frustrated, frightened, thwarted, scared.
      • Need for: Choice, autonomy, freedom, act freely, choose freely.
    • Cornered: Angry, scared, anxious, thwarted.
      • Need for: Autonomy, freedom.
    • Criticized: In pain, scared, anxious, frustrated, humiliated, angry, embarrassed.
      • Need for: Understanding, acknowledgment, recognition, accountability, and respectful communication.
    • Discounted/Diminished: Hurt, angry, embarrassed, frustrated.
      • Need to matter, acknowledgment, inclusion, friendship, inclusion.
    • Disliked*. Sad, lonely, hurt.
      • Need for: Connection, appreciation, understanding, acknowledgment, friendship, inclusion
    • Distrust. Sad, frustrated.
      • Need for: Trust, honesty.
    • Dumped on. Angry, overwhelmed.
      • Need for: Respect, consideration.
    • Harassed. Angry, frustrated, pressured, frightened.
      • Need for: Respect, space, consideration, peace.
    • Hassled. Irritated, distressed, angry, frustrated.
      • Need for: Serenity, autonomy, to do things at my own pace in my own calm way, calm, space.
    • Ignored. Lonely, scared, hurt, sad, embarrassed.
      • Need for: Connection, belonging, inclusion, community, participation.
    • Insulted. Angry, embarrassed.
      • Respect, consideration, acknowledgment.
    • Interrupted. Angry, frustrated, resentful, hurt.
      • Need for: Respect, to be heard, consideration.
    • Intimidated. Scared, anxious.
      • Need for: Safety, equality, empowerment.
    • Invalidated. Angry, hurt, resentful.
      • Need for: Appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, recognition.
    • Invisible. Sad, angry, lonely, scared.
      • Need for: To be seen and heard, included, belong, community.
    • Isolated. Lonely, afraid, scared.
      • Community, inclusion, belonging, contribution.
    • Left out. Sad, lonely, anxious.
      • Need for: Inclusion, belonging, community, connection.
    • Let down. Sad, disappointed, frightened.
      • Need for: Consistency, trust, dependability.
    • Manipulated. Angry, scared, powerless, thwarted, frustrated.
      • Need for: Autonomy, empowerment, trust, equality, freedom, free choice, connection, genuineness.
    • Mistrusted. Sad, angry.
      • Need for: Trust.
    • Misunderstood. Upset, angry, frustrated.
      • To be heard, understood, clarity.
    • Neglected: Lonely, scared.
      • Need for: Connection, inclusion, participation, community, to be cared for, matter, consideration.
    • Overpowered. Angry, impotent, helpless, confused.
      • Need for: Equality, justice, autonomy, freedom.
    • Overworked. Angry, tired, frustrated.
      • Need for: Respect, consideration, rest, caring.
    • Patronized. Angry, frustrated, resentful.
      • Need for: Recognition, equality, respect, mutuality.
    • Pressured: Anxious, resentful, overwhelmed.
      • Need for: Relaxation, clarity, space, consideration.
    • Provoked. Angry, frustrated hostile, antagonistic, resentful.
      • Need for: Respect, consideration.
    • Put down. Angry, sad, embarrassed.
      • Need for: Respect, acknowledgment, and understanding.
    • Rejected. Hurt, scared, angry, and defiant.
      • Belonging, inclusion, closeness, being seen, acknowledgment, and connection.
    • Ripped off/Screwed. Anger, resentment, disappointment.
      • Need for: Consideration, justice, acknowledgment, trust.
    • Smothered/suffocated: Frustrated, desperate, fearful.
      • Need for: Space, freedom, autonomy, authenticity, self-expression.
    • Taken for granted. Sad, angry, hurt, disappointed.
      • Need for: Appreciation, acknowledgment, recognition, consideration.
    • Threatened. Scared, frightened, alarmed, agitated, defiant.
      • Need for: Safety, autonomy.
    • Trampled. Angry, frustrated, overwhelmed.
      • Need for: Empowerment, connection, community, being seen, consideration, equality, respect, acknowledgment.
    • Tricked. Embarrassed, angry, resentful.
      • Need for: Integrity, trust, honesty.
    • Unappreciated. Sad, angry, hurt, frustrated.
      • Need for: Appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, consideration.
    • Unheard. Sad, hostile, frustrated.
      • Need for: Love, appreciation, empathy, connection, community.
    • Unloved*. Sad, bewildered, frustrated.
      • Need for: Love, appreciation, empathy, connection, community.
    • Unseen. Sad, anxious, frustrated.
      • Need for: Acknowledgment, appreciation, being heard.
    • Unsupported. Sad, hurt, resentful.
      • Need for: Support, understanding.
    • Unwanted. Sad, anxious, frustrated.
      • Need for: Belonging, inclusion, caring.
    • Used. Sad, angry, resentful.
      • Need for: Autonomy, equality, consideration, and mutuality.
    • Victimized. Frightened, helpless.
      • Need for: Empowerment, mutuality, safety, justice.
    • Violated*. Sad, agitated, anxious.
      • Need for: Privacy, safety, trust, space, respect.
    • Wronged*. Angry, hurt, resentful, irritated.
      • Need for: Respect, justice, trust, safety, fairness.

    References

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    Feelings and Needs

     1. Feelings Associated With Met Needs

    • AFFECTIONATE. Compassionate, fond, loving, openhearted, tender, warm.
    • ENGAGED. Absorbed, curious, engrossed, enchanted, enthralled, entranced, fascinated, interested, intrigued, involved, open, spellbound, stimulated.
    • EXCITED. Amazed, ardent, aroused, dazzled, energetic, enlivened, enthusiastic, exuberant, invigorated, lively, passionate, surprised, vibrant.
    • EXHILARATED. Enthralled, radiant, electrified, euphoric, overjoyed, thrilled.
    • GRATEFUL. Appreciative, moved, thankful, and touched. 
    • HAPPY. Amused, blissful, cheerful, delighted, ecstatic, elated, giddy, glad, jolly, joyful, jubilant, merry, overjoyed, pleased, rapturous, tickled.
    • HOPEFUL. Confident, expectant, jazzed, lighthearted, sanguine, up, upbeat.
    • INSPIRED. Amazed, eager, enthused, motivated, moved, psyched, stimulated, stirred, wonder
    • PEACEFUL. Calm, comfortable, centered, content, equanimity, fulfilled, mellow, open, quiet, relaxed, relieved, satisfied, serene, tranquil.
    • REFRESHED. Recharged, rejuvenated, renewed, rested, restored, revived.

    2. Feelings Associated With Unmet Needs

    • ANGER. Aggravated, angry, animosity, annoyed, contempt, disgruntled, enraged, exasperated, furious, hate, hostile, incensed, irate, irritated, irked, livid, miffed, nettled, outraged, peeved, resentful.
    • AVERSION. Abhorrence, appalled, bothered, displeased, disgusted. dislike. enmity. horrified. loathing. repulsion, revulsion.
    • CONFUSION. Ambivalent, baffled, bewildered, conflicted, dazed, discombobulated, disoriented, mixed, mystified, perplexed, puzzled, torn.
    • DISCONNECTION. Apathetic, bored, closed, detached, distant, indifferent, listless, numb, withdrawn.
    • DISQUIET. Agitated, alarmed, concerned, distraught, disconcerted, dismayed, disturbed, frustrated, perturbed. rattled, restless, shocked, startled, surprised, troubled, turbulent, turmoil, uncomfortable, uneasy, unnerved, unsettled, upset.
    • EMBARRASSMENT. Ashamed, chagrined, discomfited, flustered, mortified, self-conscious.
    • FATIGUE. Beat, burnt out, depleted, exhausted, listless, pooped, sleepy, tired, weary, wiped out, worn out. 
    • FEAR. Afraid, anxious, apprehensive, dread, fearful, foreboding, frightened, guarded, insecure, leery, mistrustful, panicked, petrified, scared, shaky, terrified, trepidation, wary, worried.
    • PAIN. Aching, agony, anguished, devastated, grief, heartbroken, hungry, hurting, lonely, miserable, regretful, remorseful.
    • SADNESS. Depressed, dejected, despairing, despondent, disappointed, discouraged, disheartened, forlorn, gloomy, heavy-hearted, hopeless, melancholy, miserable, unhappy, wistful.
    • TENSION. Anxious, closed, distressed, edgy, fidgety, frazzled, frustrated, jittery, nervous, overwhelmed, restless, stressed out.
    • YEARNING. Longing, nostalgic, pining.

    3. Needs and Values

    • AUTONOMY. Choice, dignity, freedom, independence, self-expression, space, and spontaneity.
    • CONNECTION. Acceptance, affection, appreciation, authenticity, belonging, care, closeness, communication, communion, community, companionship, compassion, consideration, empathy, friendship, inclusion, inspiration, integrity, intimacy, love, mutuality, nurturing, partnership, presence, respect/self-respect, security, self-acceptance, self-care, self-connection, self-expression, shared reality, stability, support, to know and be known, to see and be seen, trust, understanding, warmth.
    • MEANING. Awareness, celebration, challenge, clarity, competence, consciousness, contribution, creativity, discovery, efficiency, effectiveness, growth, integration, integrity, learning, mourning, movement, participation, perspective, presence, progress, purpose, self-expression, stimulation, and understanding.
    • PEACE. Acceptance, balance, beauty, communion, ease, equanimity, faith, harmony, hope, order, peace of mind, and space.
    • PHYSICAL WELL-BEING. Air, care, comfort, food, movement/exercise, rest/sleep, safety (physical), self-care, sexual expression, shelter, touch, water.
    • PLAY. Adventure, excitement, fun, humor, joy, relaxation, stimulation.

    References

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    How to Express Appreciation

     "At work, people express and receive appreciation in different ways. If you try to express appreciation in ways that aren’t meaningful to your co-workers, they may not feel valued at all. This is because you and your co-workers are speaking different languages. In The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, you will identify the five languages of appreciation in order to express genuine appreciation to co-workers and staff" - Amazon.com.

    Five Appreciation Languages at Work

    1. Words of Affirmation. Using words to communicate a positive message to another person.
      • One on One.
      • In front of others (if they feel comfortable).
      • Written email.
    2. Quality Time: Giving the person your focused attention.
      • Eye contact, no distractions.
      • Listen to feelings and thoughts.
    3. Acts of Service: Providing assistance.
      • Ask before you help.
      • Check your attitude.
      • Do it their way.
      • Complete what you start 
        • Or let to know in advance how much time you have and let them decide.
    4. Tangible Gifts: Giving physical items.
      • Give gifts to those who appreciate them.
      • Gifts must be something the person values.
      • Can be time off 
      • The most common is food 
    5. Physical Touch: Person-to-person contact.
      • Handshakes.
      • High fives.
      • Fist bumps.
      • Brief hugs (especially in emotional times).

    Ideas for Application

    Language 1. Words of Affirmation

    • Acknowledge my effort on a project I am in / but not in the presence of my teammates.
    • When appropriate, I'd like to be recognized in front of others for work well done.
    • Praise me in private, not in front of anyone else.
    • Occasionally tell me “thanks” – in person – for my contribution.
    • Send me an email to let me know what I am doing well.
    • Recognize when I have handled a difficult situation.
    • Tell others (when I am not around) about the good job I am doing.
    • Give me a specific compliment about some aspect of my character or personality.
    • In my review, make a list of positives regarding how I am doing.
    • Give our team a group compliment when we have done well.
    • Let my colleagues know when I have achieved significant goals or completed important tasks.
    • A handwritten note of appreciation is particularly meaningful to me.
    • Other ___.

    Language 2. Quality Time

    • Go to coffee or lunch together to talk about work issues.
    • Go to coffee or lunch together and not talk about work issues.
    • Go to lunch together as a team of colleagues.
    • Stop by in person to check in with me regarding how things are going.
    • Call me occasionally to "check in" to see how I am doing.
    • Get together for occasional after-hours team events.
    • Take a walk together if feasible, rather than meet in the office.
    • Take part in an out-of-the-office event/retreat for our team.
    • Have a regular (e.g., weekly) “check-in” meeting to catch up.
    • Other ___.

    Language 3. Acts of Service

    • Stay after hours to help me complete a project.
    • Ask me what you could do to help me (and then follow through).
    • Offer to do some routine tasks that will allow me to focus on higher priorities.
    • Offer to do some task for me that I dislike doing.
    • Stop by and work with me on a project I need to complete.
    • Help me clean up / organize my office or desk.
    • Review/edit a written document for me.
    • Offer to be a backup for me when I’m on leave or out sick.
    • Help me understand how to get the most out of my technology tools.
    • Come in early to help me get something done.
    • Other ___.

    Language 4. Tangible Gifts

    • Take me to lunch as a gesture of appreciation.
    • Give a small gift card to my favorite place, which is ___.
    • Bring my favorite coffee / hot beverage/snack / ___.
    • Find a book or magazine related to my interests or area of expertise, such as ___.
    • Bring in cake, cookies, or snacks to celebrate!
    • Bring something from an interesting place you’ve been to.
    • Give, as a token of appreciation:
      • An Agency Challenge Coin
      • A Time-Off award
      • Agency lanyards, pens, or coffee mugs
      • Commemorative pins/patches/posters
    • Other ___.

    Language 5. Physical Touch

    • Handshakes.
    • High fives.
    • Fist bumps.
    • Brief hugs (especially in emotional times).
    • Be careful to avoid misunderstandings.

    Resources

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    How to Apologize

    "I said I was sorry! What more do you want? Even in the best of relationships, we mess up. We say and do things we deeply regret later on. So we need to make things right. But just saying you’re sorry isn’t enough. That’s only the first step on the road to restoration. In The 5 Apology Languages, Gary Chapman partners with Jennifer Thomas to help you on the journey toward restored relationships" - Amazon.com

    True healing comes when you learn to: 

    • Express regret: "I'm sorry"
    • Accept responsibility: "I was wrong"
    • Make restitution: "How can I make it right"
    • Plan for change: "I'll take steps to prevent a reoccurrence"
    • Request forgiveness: "Can you find it in your heart to . . . ?"

    The Conference

    1. Expressing Regret

    • "I know now that I hurt you very deeply. That caused me deep pain. I am very sorry for what I did"
    • "You were promised a service that we have not provided. I am sorry our Company clearly dropped the ball this time"
    • "I obviously was not thinking very well. I never meant to hurt you, but I can see my words were way out of line. I'm sorry that I was not so insensitive"
    • "I feel really bad, I disappointed you. I should have been more thoughtful. I'm sorry I caused so much pain"

    2. Accepting Responsibility

    • "I made a big mistake. I wasn't thinking at that time. But looking back, that was a problem. I wish I had thought before I acted. I was wrong"
    • "I spoke out of anger, trying to justify myself, but it was unkind and untrue. I was wrong"
    • "I repeated a mistake that we've discussed before. I messed up. I know it was my fault"

    3. Restitution

    • "Is there anything that I can do to make up for what I have done?"
    • "Just saying "I'm sorry" doesn't seem right. I want to make it up somehow; what would you consider appropriate?"
    • "I've broken this promise again; would it help if O put my commitment in writing?"
    • "I damage your honor. Can I make a public correction in some way?"

    4. Genuine Repentance

    • "How could I say that in a different way than you would not come across as critical?"
    • "I know my behavior was painful to you, and I do not want to cause pain. I am open to any ideas you may have for me"
    • "I let you down again. What would it take for you to rebuild your trust in me?"

    5. Requesting forgiveness

    • "I know what I did hurt you very deeply. You have every right never to speak to me again, but I am truly sorry for what I did. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me"
    • "I am sorry for the way I spoke. You didn't deserve that. It was wrong of me. I am asking you to forgive me"

    Resources

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